Loss after dementia

My husband died 6 months ago, after deteriorating over the past 12 years with Parkinson’s and dementia. I gradually lost him over those years and felt that I had already done the grieving. I was wrong. Death has provoked very a different reaction in me that I was unprepared for. Disturbing dreams and thoughts have caused problems and I don’t want to want to be in this house with memories of him struggling around and all the assorted horrible situations that emerged. I work abroad a lot and feel that I am just running away and not facing the issues...strangely they follow me and remain unresolved. Sorry about the twittering but would be interested to know how others have dealt with the final loss after the loss of slow, deteriorating illness?
H

In reply to Hillym

Hi Hillym,
My partner died 6 months ago after deteriorating with dementia.
The last twelve months took me almost to breaking point!
Like you I felt I had done so much grieving before his death as he became a different person to the one I had known.
However his death caused so much more grief and despair than expected, from caring for him twenty four hours a day it went to a sudden emptiness.
I had suddenly lost my purpose in life.
The immediate reaction was to move home, this place was filled with memories of his work but then also his struggles as the dementia took hold and I just didn't know how to cope with the thoughts. But that would have solved nothing as memories are carried with you.
Fortunately I heeded advice to wait at least a year before making any major decisions and now I have started to think of the good times we had here too.
There are times when I get depressed and start feeling tearful which is understandable but have now filled my life with challenges, projects to do and this leaves little time to brood on what was or might have been.
After six months I feel I am starting to come to terms with things, I could not have prevented or predicted the outcome, I could not have had unending patience but did my best in trying situations, no more what ifs or should haves, the guilt was tearing me apart......
I hope you face your issues, understand and find you too can move on.

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