Loss of husband

My husband died very suddenly last thursday and i feel so lost, angry

Hello Angie. I am so very sorry. My husband died very suddenly too, coming up for 18 months ago now. The shock was indescribable and still is in many ways. I really don't know how I've got this far. I remember saying to a friend just after my husband had died "How do I move forward from this?" I didn't know how to even make sense of my loss let alone move forward and yet somehow I have. Oh I still miss him as if it was yesterday, I still cry at times and I still long for his touch. I miss our chats, I miss his loud, over the top laugh, I miss his snoring, I miss everything about him. My love for him continues to grow every day. It is so soon for you to even contemplate life without your husband and I remember those early days only too well. My goodness, the pain was physical and I catch my breath even now just thinking about them.

My husband was a very fit and healthy man, a keen cyclist. There was no sign that disaster was about to strike and that makes the loss all the more difficult to understand and come to terms with. I really don't think I ever will.

Of course you feel lost - a part of you is missing. You will feel so very different- it leaves you feeling very strange indeed. People often say 'be kind to yourself' - I think they mean don't expect too much of yourself, take little steps.

I'm afraid grief is for life, it's the price we pay for love. I'm sending you my heartfelt condolences and a big hug. Xx

Thank you kate for your very kind words, he was in hospital and i had just visited him and had come home and got a call to say he had collapsed and died, i feel bad that i wasnt there when he died when i promised to always be there. We were together for 22 years, would of been married for 23 on 15th december, he was my best friend and soulmate i feel things will never be the same

In reply to Angie m

Things will never be the same Angie and with all my heart I wish you didn't have a need for this site. However, this forum has offered me great comfort and understanding so keep pouring out your feelings as you are in very good company here. Keep reading others posts too and you will realise that you are not alone and what you are feeling is very normal for our situation.

Please don't feel bad about not being there when you're husband passed. There was no way you could have known what was going to happen. It sounds like it all happened very suddenly and quickly. My husband had a massive cardiac arrest in the middle of the night whilst lying next to me. I performed CPR until paramedics arrived. Unfortunately he was down too long and suffered catastrophic brain damage and died in hospital 5 days later. He never regained consciousness so even though I was with him, he wouldn't have known - as the consultant said to me "there's simply nobody home".

The previous month we had celebrated our silver wedding and my husband had recently retired. We thought we would grow old together and although I was still working we had made lots of plans. Life can be so cruel. But here we are, left living and so we have to live our life without the one person we don't want to live our life without.

I read a lot - books about grief and bereavement, books on spirituality - to know my husband is still around me is the biggest comfort of all. He's everywhere here in the home we built together. He's with me wherever I go, I carry him around on my shoulder.

To finish on a positive note, I find I can smile again, laugh again, sing again, but always with an element of sadness which will stay with me forever. My favourite Pooh Bear quote is:
'How lucky am I to have had something this good to lose?'

Much love xx

In reply to Angie m

Angie. Of course you are in pieces it is so soon and it will unfortunately be like this for many weeks to come. I am 7 weeks in and I cry every morning and I cry whenever I talk about him. It is exhausting but it is one way of letting go of some of the bitterness. The shock of losing someone like that is an extra overwhelming burden on you as it was not expected. My husbands death was expected but I had no idea at all about the depth of the grief it would bring. I scream at the walls that it is seven weeks how am I going to make seven months or seven years and of course there is no answer. Friends and family try their best to help but unless you have lost a life partner they have really know idea of the pain. This is why posting here and reading about other people will help as what you feel and what you are doing is the same for all of us. None of us would want to join this horrid club but it may help to prove you are not going mad.

Thank you for your kind words, I will keep read the posts

Dearest Angie I lost my husband of 51yrs 7 weeks ago like you he was in hospital but was looking to coming home I was with Dave all day but 3 hrs later I received a call to go back to the hospital. The doctors would not sign of his death certificate as he should not have died and I am having a complaint with the hospital, so not only do I feel the great loss of my loving husband dealing with sthe complaint just keeps bringing the day back. What I am trying to do is just take one day at a time, I find where before I did not walk a lot this helps me when I get to upset indoors as at present I cannot even move he slippers or razor yet. I hope you have family and friends who can support you has this will help although once they have gone you aare alone with your thoughts. this site has helped me just to be able to write down how I feel. Angie m please try and make yourself do at least I manager thing a day if it is walking or phoning a friend or family member as this helps you get thru the day. Thinking of you queenie

Thank you for your kind words, i am trying to do at least one thing a day, im not sleeping well at night which is makibg me tired during the day. I have lots of family and friends that are supporting me which does help. The funeral is on thursday.

Angie m I am so sorry you are going thru such a awful time Will be thinking of you tomorrow You will find with the funeral you will just go into robot mold saying and doing the right things. I found after I just felt numb, as it all seemed so unreal. I found it was the following week and days I have lost. Please remember there are other people out there going thru the same feelings so you must just take each day as it comes. Understanding how you feel Will keep in touch with you as I think we have a long journey. Love queenie

Thank you, that would be nice if you kept in touch x

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