My husband

I lost my husband 12 days ago. After many illnesses and a very strong fight, he succumbed to his disease while I held him in my arms. I still cant cope and it's such a struggle everyday to wake up without him. I never left his side for 9 yrs. Literally. Now I'm so lost and alone

Oh Tobi no!! You are not alone, you are here with us all and we all know and care, goodness we do. What's more we understand and that's so important. Please stay on the site. There are many kind folk here who can help and maybe, just maybe, ease the pain just a little. It's early days for you yet so try and take it day by day. This process, and it is a process of grief, will take time. Try not to despair. It's so easy to say that, but despair will make you feel worse. At the moment that light at the end of the tunnel doesn't shine for you. I lost my wife in November last, and it's still painful, but the light does get brighter. It comes and goes, but sometimes stays that little bit longer. None of us wanted to be here, but now we are we should try and support one another and send love and Blessings.
No one will 'jolly you along' on here with platitudes that really hardly ever help. But love and empathy you will surely get. My very best wishes to you and remember, a day at a time, or even an hour at a time. Bless you.

In reply to Tobi

Hello Tobi, such wise words as usual from Jonathan. He is so right you are not alone and may even make friends through this forum. We are there for each other and more than any one else do understand what you are going through. Non of us was aware that it would be so painful and hard going but saying that we will all get through it somehow.
Like you I looked after my husband and was the only one with him when he died at home as I refused to let him go to the hospice. I wanted to be with him 24/7 and was fortunate to be able to do it. Of course you are lost and alone. We devote our love and attention to someone and then they are torn away from us. Part of us has gone and the other half has to learn to cope.
It's so cruel to love so deeply and then to have to suffer so much for that love. It's said that our grief is a measure of our love. I strongly believe that we have to come through this grief, accept it and gradually that light will shine back in your life.
The waves will come some will be huge and knock you over but others will be much smaller and you will stand up to them. I have found that I have to accept that grief, painful as it may be at times. .
Stay with us, join in and it will help to be able to 'talk' about your feelings. We will all understand.

In reply to Tobi

Dear Tobi
I can still remember exactly how I felt 12 days after my husband died, and it is a long hard road. I wish I could tell you otherwise, but that wouldn't help. Lots of people said to me "take it one day at a time" or "baby steps" and they annoyed me at the time (because people who haven't been where you and I have been just don't get it), but really that's all you can do. For a long time you will feel as if you are just going through the motions - life turns flat and it's all in monochrome. As somebody once said "one person had died and the world is empty". I certainly feel that. But you just have to try to keep sight of the fact that one day things will seem brighter (I haven't got there yet myself, but I am beginning to hope that one day I shall). Someone said to me that grief is just love with nowhere to go. I thought that was unspeakably sad, and yet somehow encouraging. Sorry, i probably haven't helped you at all, but there are people out here who understand what you are going through, and it's hard to find those in the 'normal' world. Look after yourself: hard to do when you don't care about yourself anymore, but you owe it to your husband, who would want you to. All the very best.

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