New Year without my husband

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My birthday is tomorrow, New Year's Eve and every year for the past 20 years or more we've soent my birthday at the same hotel in Blackpool, we've made lots of friends along the way, some even travelled to pay their respects at his funeral, 7 months ago today. I've had a good few tearful reunions, then more tears flowed when other friends found out Alan was not by my side, I am now on the room we always have, totally heartbroken and trying to regain some composure to meet our friends for a pre dinner drink. I know he's here at my side and supporting me I spirit, but I yearn for him to be by my side in the physical. I told my daughter that if I can't cope here, it's not too far to drive home, at present, whilst this is very tempting, legally I cannot. Our well meaning friends have joined me in several.alcoholic drinks, so for tonight at least I remain here. We're all seated together for our dinner and we all sit together for the cabaret entertainment. But I am still on my own. All I want is for Alan to be here with me, I know this isn't possible and it's tearing me apart.

My heart really does goes out to you at such a heartbreaking time. You have already shown such immense courage to keep up the tradition that you enjoyed every year with your husband, I don't think I could have done that. Though you're heartbroken you are showing enormous strength and I imagine that's because you think your husband would want you to be carrying on he would be proud of you. It's good that you have some old friends to be with but don't force yourself to be present all the time , just join in with the bits you want to and spend time on your own in your room if you feel like escaping the throng for a while.
Your birthday and New Year will never be the same again but I hope you find some peace to help you through.
Thinking of you xx

Hi be very proud of your mental strength Day at a Time for going and being part of it,certainly not easy to do,your friends sound supportive,and it must be very emotional and I know we only want our husband's to be there with us wherever we are,well done you for being the best you can in this situation,gives me hope when I have to do the same x

My wonderful husband, soulmate and best friend died very suddenly on 22nd November 2018 and I’m so lost without him. I’m not sleeping right, not eating right and don’t how I’m going to cope with New Year’s Eve tomorrow. I just want him back with me so I can can hug him, kiss him and just be able to talk to him. Life will never be the same again

Angie, like you I am awake,(actually only just gone to bed) at this unearthly hour. I can really feel the depth of your sorrow and longing for your husband I wish I had some comfort for you. I don't know how any of us are going to go into a new year leaving our dearest loved ones behind in the old year. It seems like a final breaking point between one life and another when a line is crossed . I still feel with him in this year but he will never be a part of the next in reality. I shake just thinking about it. We might gain some strength knowing we are all together in our grief. I hope so. xx

Lost my partner suddenly in May he was only 48. Not sleeping well because of the build up to new year. Told myself it's just another day I have 2 boys but I feel so alone . It's still very raw for you we all understand your sadness.
Take care
Christine x

It would of been 27 years ago today that I met James. We met at a new years eve party just seen on the news other countries celebrating new year just burst into tears.

I don’t know if this helps anyone. I feel the agony of loss and going into the new year without him for the first time. There is no time scale. I am three months in and very raw. But when two people love each other so much for so long it is almost inevitable that one will go first. My husband suffered so much for 18 months and I take a small comfort that I was able to see him through to the end. He had dementia but knew me in one way that was good in another very hard as he begged me daily to take him home which was impossible as he was high dependency nursing. If one of us had to go first then I had the honour of caring for him loving him and seeing him through to the end. It’s a way of looking at what was and is a desperate time.

Hi Dido, your post fits so much with my thoughts and feelings. I would do it all again in a heartbeat. Being there to care and love someone through illness, until the time comes when they don't have the strength to continue on, is an honour.
I am thinking of you today and I hope the memories coming to mind are of your lives together, in all those years of happier times. Stronger together, kind wishes, xx

In reply to Rainbow

This is pretty much how I feel. Four years ago my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 brain tumour and given approximately 12 months. I remember how Traumatic that was at the time and I decided to give up all my hobbies and interests and just be with her to catch her when she fell. Although I told her we could do whatever she wanted at whatever cost her bucket list was very short........ kids and grandkids. I worked hard to persuade her to have hotel/cottage breaks but I think she just went along with that. It was too dangerous to fly so we stayed in the UK.
I glad to say she lived for four years and I feel privileged to have been there for her. She had to surrender her driving licence so I became chauffer, cook, carer and anything else I could. I felt it was a good way to show how much I love her and I think she could feel that. It was difficult towards the end of her life but I would have had it different. She managed to return home after time in hospital and hospice and I spent every minute with her for the final three weeks. I played her favourite music and held her hand as she died. I miss her so much and I feel such pain but I'm so glad that I was there for her and that she knew it.

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