HelloTopsy. My heart goes out to you. YorkshireLad and Rainbow have given some sound advice. Regarding your nights, yes it is hard. I put on the radio or the TV or read a book anything to stop me from lying there just thinking because that is when panic can set in, and all the 'what if's' Be certain Topsy you are not alone there are so many of us out there with exactly the same feelings as you. Where do we go from here????? What will happen to us without that special person who was a big part of our life. We want something we can't have the very epitome of grief. We want to feel them, hear them, yet we have to learn acceptance because without that we are only hurting ourselves. I, like so many struggle at times, my head can become a jumble but I want to be in control of my grief and that is when I feel I will be able to accept. I found that the answer was to keep busy. Walking is a big help, is there a local group you can join. Gardening has also been my saviour, but anything that stops you from dwelling too much and if it makes you tired then that will help you to sleep also. So a win, win situation. Perhaps counselling will be for you although it's not for everybody.