The realisation that this is forever


Dear Trisha
Reading your post just explains how I feel, I loss my Dave 30.9.18 and find as the months go by it is harder as everyone thinks I should be moving on, although I am out all the time with friends and family I still have a feeling of emptiness in my life. Dave was very romantic and often wrote a little note on a post it note and put in on the kitchen cabinet just to say he loved me. How can I move on from that. We were together 54yrs married 52yrs and had a very good life together. The awful thing i cannot get out of my mind is he should not have died, the hospital was at fault so I am re-living that awful time. In a few weeks I have a meeting with the panel at the hospital.
I think although I complained when Dave was in hospital I stil feel guilty I could not have helped him and he was always there for me. Lots of hugs Queenie

Dear Queenie
Please remember we do the best we can at the time - and we all think that things could have been different. I ask myself constantly should I have noticed something about Gary that indicated he would go so suddenly and unexpectedly - were there small signs I missed and of course I beat myself up about it all the time. But really I know that there was nothing I could have done. And whilst the hospital were at fault - I am sure you did your very best and your husband did and does know that.

Gary was always the romantic one - like your husband, he wrote me silly little notes, bought me flowers and chocolates and told me he loved me all the time - he was just wonderful really. Of course we did not always agree - but I know there will never be anyone like him again and like everyone on here I am having to learn to live without him. I agree - there is just an empty feeling that never goes away no matter what we are doing. Yes of course I talk to him all the time, I cry over his pictures, I chat to him, I write to him in my journal and sometimes I will get a sign - and can almost feel him putting his arms round me. We wonder don't we how we will live the rest of our lives like this. Gary was 60 and I am 63 - young - but old too. And all we ever wanted was to grow really old together and enjoy ourselves. It just seems so cruel - but I realise reading other posts that life is cruel and we are all in this dark forest together. I know that life will never be the same and I will forever miss him and want him - but I am going to do my best to live a different life - I think it is the only way forward for me. I cannot go the places we went together - so I am having to go to ones I have never been, I am going to have to take up hobbies I never considered, mainly to fill my time, and I hope there are lots of other things I have not even thought about doing yet. Gary and I laughed all the time - it was what we were about, and I cannot imagine a life without laughter so I know the only person that can do anything about that is me. I have black days and many tears and other days I am optimistic and think I can do this. Really we have no choice though do we? I am feeling hopeful today - well at the moment ! But of course we all know that by this afternoon I could feel completely differently. Another ramble....

Sending you a hug back.
Take care
Trisha xx

Hi all,

I too lost my precious partner 19 weeks ago and like everyone on this site am totally bereft. We were so happy together and life was fun - he had a heart attack in his sleep ! I am so devastated and miss him every second of every day. I just hope for all of us life gets less gray.

Wilma -D

Hi Wilma... so sorry to her that. The shock is awful when it happens like that isn’t it. I hope you have support from friends and family. You can only do one day one hour at a time sometimes. Whatever works for you is right at this time.

My husband was diagnosed and died in the hospice within four weeks ... so shocking and traumatic .. well his time in hospital was traumatic and dreadful he was in pain and feeling sick all the time. He had six peaceful days at the hospice where the staff were absolute angels here on earth. Both our sons died over the last few years so just me now. After having a busy noisy household it’s so quiet now. We were married 43 years and I am so lucky to have had him for that time.

It’s never long enough though is it. He died 29th April. I’m trying to start knitting, reading etc to make myself focus. Do you have hobbies or are you still finding it hard to concentrate. I do the garden a lot so that’s something and I have started cycling each day if I can. I do t know if it helps or not but will keep trying.

You take care of and I hope you get through this somehow.

Love drom me, Sue

In reply to Jackie-Richard

Thank you Jackie

now l am using this site it already makes my feel that l am not alone just chatting to other people that understand is a great help. My worst time if there is one is first think in the morning when l wake up and realize how quiet the house is and he is not down stairs make a cup of tea, and there is not chat about the day ahead. I don;t think I will ever get over that. Thank you for your support.

In reply to cw13

thank you so much for your support reading all the lovely replies has made me feel stronger to be able to do things in my own time when and if l want to. I had such a wonderful man and a lovely life l just want to be brave for him as he was so brave when he left me. I know he is still will me and always will be l want to make him proud of me.

In reply to TrishaF

Thank you Trisha, your words make sense to me and give me hope.

Dear Trisha
You have a way of putting words together which helps, I am sure we will all get through this awful time although we will never be the same and will always have a emptiness in our life, Dave would hate me feeling so sad so I am going to try and like you get involved with differant things in my life. Like you I kiss dave every morning and night before I go to bed and tell him how much I miss him.
Thank you for your kind words
With Hugs Queenie