The realisation that this is forever


...quoting: ( "in fact it used to drive me potty - but I would do anything to have him do it again" ).....oh yes the little things that irritated us that we would gladly tolerate now, if only they will come back to us...


Oh Jackie if only it were possible. Sadly we have still to come to terms with this - but when who knows. I am going to try a phased return to work shortly - maybe a couple of days next week. I know from people on here that we never get over it - so I think I am just going to have to try to get on with it. How it will go - who knows but I know I have to try. Ever the optimist - I am hoping it will go better than I imagine- but we will see.
It is very warm here today.... have just got back from the dentist and had a flurry of activity to tidy up. So now I need to sit here on the forum with a cold drink.

Take care and let me know how you are getting on. I read about your visit to church and that certainly sounded better than it has been.

Trisha xx

...just sat outside for a brief moment to catch some sun, the kitchen back door was wide open and I was facing the kitchen, then the crying started as there would have been the time activity would have been going on inside the gardens back door...I would have seen him getting his mid day sandwich or making his coffee, I would hear him and see him in the kitchen, now nothing, just emptiness...
Let me know how it goes at work...I am finding out the hard way that it is when we get back home to the emptiness, that is when it hits us...


Hi, how you are feeling is how I am feeling 7 weeks after losing my husband, it saddens me when I see a shirt & think I’ll buy that for him then think oh I can’t, or look a new cafe we.ll go there, oh no we can’t, look that holiday looks good but yet again no we can’t go there, we used to love sitting in the garden & going for long walks but I cannot now do either as the pain is too intense, it feels like I’m no longer part of the world just a spectator, I never knew it would feel this bad, I am trying b6 going back to work, doing the chores, trying to be with family & friends but it feels so odd

7 weeks is no time at all, but it may seem like eternity. And feeling like an observer looking on the suffering is a usual feeling in grief. It's as if there are two of us, one suffering and the other just numb and unable to express emotion.
Of course we will never forget our loved ones, but we do need to move on. Gently and slowly at first. I often ask my wife what she would want me to do and the answer always comes back. 'Get on with your life, I want you to be at peace'.
In my view no one 'dies', they move on to where we cant go as yet.
In some countries they rejoice that the person has gone to a better place. Now that is very difficult for us in our culture.
None of us, if we have not experienced grief, can know what it's like until it hits us.
But you should try and take care of yourself as your husband would have wanted, but above all give yourself time. The process of grief can't be denied. It's as old as mankind. Blessings and take care.

Thank you, what you say makes sense, whenever there has been sad times before in my life I’ve sat & thought of a solution, but I’m realising now that I can’t “fix” me, it’s just going to take time & all I can do is my best, when my husband was very ill I said yo him if he could send me a sign he was ok to do it, when he had been gone a few days I was sitting in the lounge when an ornament that has sat against a wall unmoved for years just crashed to the floor, at first i thought it was the cat until I realised she was asleep on the other side of the room, then i thought breeze? But some artificial flowers next to it hadn’t moved, lots of people have told me there is a reasonable explanation but I’ve thought of all that & there just isn’t one, so I believe it was my husband & that gives me comfort to think he has gone somewhere & at the right time I will follow so I just need to fill my time in here & in time I’m sure life will be more bearable and at times happy!

Flower Garden...and everybody...
...go with your own gut feeling, if you have no other explanation, that was a sign from your hubby...This is what a lot of our members have been waiting for, including me, a sign from our partner...Only then when i receive one from my Richard, my mind might not be so tortured as it it now...and I do believe in the spiritual world, their is more out their than we will ever know, until we reach this world ourselves...
Yes you have been blessed, I am still awaiting on my sign from Richard, it seems a long time coming, but I am sure it will come...He has been gone now 13 weeks, and each and every day I have not topped crying nor talking to him, as most, if not everybody on our forum has been doing...


Please don't underestimate psychic phenomena. Many strange things happen for which there is no explanation. I have heard of such phenomena so often to doubt that something is happening. Many on here have had some signs if only remotely.
Are our loved ones trying to get in touch? I don't know. When someone says there's a reasonable explanation ask what it is, then tell me! I haven't found one after many years of involvement in psychic phenomena. Perhaps we will know, in fact I'm sure of it. But in the meantime we have to soldier on as best we can. You are beginning a journey. A painful one but one in which we can learn so much about ourselves. We will change, no doubt about it, but always for the better. Honest!!
If someone bothers to write on my tombstone 'He did his best' that will be fine. It's all we can do, our best.
Take care. Blessings.
Yes, it will get better, just a little at a time, but the time it takes is very individual. There is no set time in grief.

Thank you, I will try to be optimistic, currently I live in the past, angry & sad at the same time that my dad died then 6 months later my husband, I have to hope that in the future at some point I will feel more part of the world & be able to enjoy happy memories & be able to look at my husbands picture without feeling wretched, I am however glad that my dad & my husband didn’t lose me, I wouldn’t have wanted either of them to go through this.

Afternoon Flower garden. I am a great believer in the spirit world and have been aware of spirit from a very early age.

Our loved ones remain with us in spirit, fir me personally, I would see the crashing ornament and a definite sign that your husband is close by. Watch for signs however subtle. An example was a recent journey I was making and I was toying with a dilemma, not knowing how to deal with it. I was in traffic and subconsciously asking, first my husband then my dad fir guidance, from nowhere a car pulled in front of me, the registration contained my dad's 3 initials. During that whole route, I saw3 more different cars all with my dad's initials. Then as I turned onto the road leading to our home, another car bearing my husbands Initials. On another journey I was having a particularly emotional day.and asked Akan, my husband for guidance that what I was contemplating was the right thing to do. At the roundabout, a car travelled in front of me bearing my husbands month and day of birth. These are not coincidences, our loved ones will use whatever method they can to send us signs that they are still with us and watching out for us. They cannot intervene but can guide us along the right path, it is up to us to make the right choice from the signs we are being shown.

Hope I.have not caused you more heartache, I watch for signs all the time, sometimes they're purely to say hello other times they answer our pleas for help.