The realisation that this is forever


In reply to ❤️

It is all so unfair - and I am sorry if my original post upset you . It was just me saying how I felt when I realised. Without doubt everyone on this forum wishes it was different. There is nothing more I can do other than send you love and compassion.
Take care
Trisha xx

In reply to TrishaF

Hello.sorry about your loss .I do know how you feel. Our love ones are in God's hands way to early. Thinking off you .lifes does go on until me are with our lost ones again.please text me if your ever alone and need a chat.chris x

Sue you are one very special lady x I’m so sorry for everything you are going through. I can’t even begin to imagine your heartache, yet you are so kind to others .. thank you x sending you love xx

In reply to TrishaF

Trisha, my lovely, I promise you your post didn’t upset me ... totally the opposite. You spoke from the heart ... thank you x sending you love xx

In reply to TrishaF

These messages could have been writing them, it gives me a little comfort knowing there are people out there feeling EXACTLY the same as me! My thoughts are with you! Janet x

Dear Chris
Thank you for your kind message. I have 'met' some lovely people on this site who are all united by our loss. I am going to try to go back to work this week. I think I will feel like the new girl at school - but think it will be another distraction. Distraction seems to help prevent me from thinking. Thoughts can be dangerous as they can start another downward spiral and I know Gary would hate me to be miserable. Our life was made up of laughter - he could always make me laugh no matter what and I miss that so so much. You are right about being in God's hands way too early - and it is so hard to come to terms with- and you just keep asking why? I know there is no answer to that question of course. Please message too if you need to talk - I find talking is such a comfort .
Take care
Trisha xx

As you say there are some lovely people around but at the end of the day everybody gets on with their life but you are left with these terrible thoughts!! Like me I do hope things improve with time. Janet x

I just worry that I will drive my few friends away by constantly being miserable.

I don't have friends or family here, just the few people I 'know' in the street, so my real friends get the brunt of my emotions all the time.

I try really hard to come over as 'normal' but something always crops up in conversation, you can't help it, and I am a heap again.

I tried temp work but people kept asking questions and just 'prodding the tiger' so that hasn't really worked and I have just come over as flaky and unreliable to the temp agency, which isn't me at all.

Having worked together for so long, to not have him by my side, commenting on everything I do and say, just his presence in the room, makes it so hard to go back to an office and do small talk. To not have every minute of the day filled with him - office work just doesn't give me enough distraction, it gives me too much time to think, and as you have said, that just leads to a downward spiral of depression.

So I am really struggling as I can't stay in the house all day without him but can't work either unless I am constantly engaged and much though I love the gym I can't spend ALL day down there.

My siblings want me to move closer to them but then I have to start all over again and I am not sure I can do that - it is a big decision and he has only been gone 2 months. There are too many thoughts running through my head that I am burying my head in the sand.

By constantly distracting myself am I just saving a heap of pain for later. By not accepting the fact that this is it - I am totally on my own, am I just postponing the hurt. Even typing this has me on tears again, it is just so darn lonely and quiet.

I know exactly how you feel, moved here coming up 2 years ago! Janet x

Trisha ... Thankyou for your reply ... somehow we will all find a way to go forward I supposed. Love Sue x