Sad, lonely and frightened


Hi everyone. I lost my partner nearly 5 weeks ago and feel the pain is getting worse. I lost my mother over 4 years ago so I'm bracing myself for what is to come. The pain was unbearable then but my partner was my reason for living. The future now is frightening as I feel so alone.
I don't have family but have good friends. However they all have their own lives and partners and can't be around as much as I would like. I am getting around 3/4 hours sleep a night and I'm dreading the long day ahead as all my friends are busy. Don't know how I am going to get through the coming months. Spring and summer were his favourite times. He died of complications following cancer treatment. If there hadn't been delays in his diagnosis he might not have had to undergo the radiotherapy which destroyed his chest.
Over the last few days I have been reading the messages on this site and know I am not alone with these feelings of despair. Xxx

Dear Topsy, I am so sorry for your loss. You are definitely not alone and you can vent your feelings on this forum and be sure of great understanding. It is very early days for you. It is almost 20 months since my husband passed and I wish I had something positive to tell you. The truth is that grief is not something to be fixed but it is something we must carry. The feelings of despair will fluctuate, some days very bad and some not so bad. However I can smile, laugh and sing again, even though everything I do is tainted with a sadness. I accept that this sadness is with me for life. My love for my husband continues to grow and I have a relationship with him in death just as I did in life. I simply cannot live without him so I don't.
Don't expect too much of yourself Topsy, take each day as it comes, each hour in fact. Shout, scream, cry, do whatever - there are no right or wrongs. Sending love xx

You are certainly not alone Topsy. That in itself makes it even worse. There are so many of us in the same boat that feels like it’s sinking most of the time.

Empty, lonely, frightened, anxious. Just a tiny few of the words used on here by so many, myself included.

I can’t offer you any words that will give you strength or hope unfortunately. I too feel all that you feel. And, I can’t see much if anything ever changing. My life has most definitely changed forever. It’s just 11 days for me and although the reality has already kicked in more than once, it also still feels surreal and like a very bad dream sometimes.

You can be assured we all know how you feel, probably most of us don’t have any answers but all of us will always be here listening x

Thank you very much Kate and cw13 for taking the trouble to reply to me. I really appreciate everything you have both said. Xx

In reply to Topsy

Hi Topsy, I so understand you. My husband of 45 years passed away suddenly and unexpected on 22nd of January. His funeral is in 2 days. He was my everything. He only retired 5 month ago. We’ve had so many plans for spring and summer. Like you I can’t eat or sleep it’s almost a physical constant pain. My son and grandkids have very busy lives. First I have to get Friday over with. I think I have to get some sort of cancelling. Sending a big hug.

Oh Merleen I am so desperately sorry to hear about your husband. I wish I could help you. I really do. Your husband to have been retired for only 5 months is so sad.

Yes the pain is physical. I feel it across my chest and my stomach churns constantly. Like you, my partner and I were looking forward to the spring and summer. In fact, certain thoughts are unbearable. I panic when I think of the future and past memories are now in sharp focus. Happy memories make the pain worse. Throw in lack of sleep and it is a nightmare.

I hope you have good friends who can support you as well as your son and grandkids. I hope you manage to get through Friday and I return your hug. Xx

In reply to Topsy

Thank you very much. We have got a long hard road to walk and need any help we can get. Take care

Hello Topsy, you're not alone, everyone here has or is going through every emotion you ever thought possible. I lost my husband 19th May last year, his funeral was exactly 2 months after we celebrated our 50th wedding anniversary. I won't say it becomes easy, it doesn't. I've had two good days since he passed, then today I was back at square one. None of us have the answer, but between us all we have the support, and that's as much as any of us can give. Please take comfort in knowing we'reall here to help you through these difficult times.

Blessings ☆

Thank you both Merleen and Day at a Time for your kind replies xx

Hi Day I am still in shock my husband collapsed and died of a massive heartache on the 22nd of January his funeral is on Friday the 22nd in a couple of days. When I think about it I feel sick. We were married for 45 years. He retired 4 month ago. We had so many plans come spring and summer. And now nothing just empty chairs. I never lived on my own. My son and my 4 grandkids are lovely but they lead busy lives. I can understand now how people can die of a broken heart. To know that I am not on my own and that there are people going through the same heartache and pain makes me think if they can do I hope I can too. Take care