Hello, Beautiful sister widows,
Thankyou for your kindness in replying to me. Big hugs to those of you who are hurting, or whose losses are more recent than mine xo
Ann, the thawing analogy really works for me. My first year wasn't exactly numb - I remember bleeding horribly, but it was still spent surviving, versus the loss hitting me at different levels.
Tina, darling, thanks for saying you've seen me elsewhere. Yes, I felt that progress was happening, and I suppose I need to remind myself that progress still has happened, despite that I feel like crap now. Weekends are so bloody horrible, aren't they? He isn't there watching the footy, reading the paper and being grateful for the cuppa you've made him. I will look for Sheila's posts.
Yvonne, love, I hope you haven't been too badly frightened by what you've heard about the second year - though I can understand why you would be - what could be worse than those first few months that were literally hell? It isn't the same for everybody, and you may find that you have times where you feel that you can do this, maybe (or maybe not) mixed with times that you feel all over again like doing this is impossible. I think this is because grief isn't a linear process; times of feeling okay can be followed by times of feeling completely unraveled again.
I'm still not used to being without my Ken... I've tried to find hobbies and new friends, but it just feels like I'm cobbling a life together, grabbing what bits and pieces I can. Nothing feels settled about it, I am not used to it yet.
We have been hurt so badly, haven't we?
I feel that if I can get a few decent nights' sleep, I'll be a bit more sane. What a wonderful forum.