So alone

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Hi, I am hoping I get some comfort from joining this site. I lost my husband 13 weeks ago. He battled cancer for six and a half years, and as requested passed away at home. I was his main carer for the last year of his life, and am totally lost now that he has passed. We were married for almost 32 years and together for almost 35. I'm not sure I will ever get over this. The pain is getting worse instead of easier.

Hi I am so so sorry for your horrendous loss it's six months and three weeks on Wednesday coming since my soulmate fell asleep in my arms im utterly truamatised witnesing it all happen in front of my eyes we dreamed of growing old together everything has been stolen from me so cruelly and tragically your in my thoughts take care your right every second is getting harder to bear Adele x

In reply to Bev61

Hello Bev, I am not going to say welcome as non of us want to be here, but we are and we do help each other, so do stay with us and join in. If I am feeling lost, alone, or just struggling I come on here and join in. It always helps to listen to others point of view and in time you might be able to help and advise people and this is satisfying also.
I know only too well your pain and loss. My husband had cancer for ten years and my whole life became all about him. Diet, lifestyle was for his benefit and did work for most of the time as he was fit and healthy for years. Then the dreaded C took hold and I couldn't do anything about it as much as I tried. Brian also requested that he be at home and I cared for him single handed. We didn't want anyone else involved. I will never forget those last months though and now in my own personal hell. Trying hard to forget his pain and confusion at what was happening to him. You know all about that though. He passed away in November after thirty years of marriage, he was my life and I find that the months pass but I am still back there. However I do keep busy, I have found, for me this is the key to living something of a life. I take each day and having hobbies together I still continue to do them. I have been told you learn to live with the loss and I am hoping that one day I will get to that stage as I am looking to find a life, a different one but nevertheless a life as Brian would have wished for me. Good luck Pat xx

Hi Adele, thanks for replying to my message. We to had so many plans for our future, and Rob fought so hard to continue living. But his poor body had been taken by this terrible disease. He hadn't eaten for a year and was fed by a peg in his stomach. He still smiled though, and up until 2 weeks before his passing would insist he wouldn't leave me. If it wasn't for my children and my beautiful grandaughters then I don't think I could go on. So sorry for your loss to. Bev xx

Hi Pat, lovely to hear from you. Like you my whole life became about my husband. Countless hospital visits, and then in the last few months our home turned into a hospital ward with a bed,wheelchair, commode and endless visits from doctors, nurses etc., What I'd do to have that time back again though. Just to care for him and cuddle him once again. I feel robbed that he was taken at 61, he loved life and had so much to live for. I am praying that in time I will feel better. At the moment I just don't want to be here. So sorry for your loss Pat. Bev xx

Hi Bev thanks for your kind words means alot im so incredibly sorry for your horrendous loss it's utterly devastating my Edward too stocky 6 1 went so underweight in front of my eyes it is heartbreaking I'd hold the straw fir him to have a sip of water in the final few days then could only wet his lips it's mentally and physically destroyed me witnesing it all happen in front of my eyes all my dreams of growing old together everything we built together hopes and dreams have been stolen from me so cruelly and tragically your in my thoughts take care as much as possible Adele x

In reply to Bev61

Our story is so similar. My husband had been weakening but he never gave up and then suddenly, like you the house was invaded. The doctor did call but obviously could do nothing. We refused any nurses. My husband insisted that I nursed him alone unless I couldn't cope. The hospice helped us with equipment and called in from time to time to check on us as did a lady from the medical centre who made sure we had dressings etc. The phone never stopped as did the door going. My husband was a private man and disliked all these callers. My husband was older than yours but he was a man that also had so much to live for. We was walkers and our holidays was always walking both here and abroad. We also cycled, rock climbed. He sailed. He was a musician, an artist, and photographer. He had so much equipment it took weeks to sort through it all. Like you I can't help thinking what a waste. I am told he is in a beautiful place now and being looked after and this does give me some comfort. I can say that it makes no difference what age our loved ones are taken from us we all feel robbed of them. Our loss is a neve ending nightmare at the moment. Take care Pat xxx

Hi Adele, Your right it is devastating to watch our lovely stocky husbands waste away to nothing. I couldn't even hug Rob in the end as he was is so much pain. I thought I would be prepared for his passing as he'd actually gone over the time scale they'd given him, but nothing prepares you when the time comes. Every day I write to him in a diary, just to let him know what I've been up to. I'm finding it helps as I actually feel like I'm talking to him. Take care . Bev xx

Hi Bev thankyou for your message and kind words it's six months and three weeks since my Edward fell asleep in my arms this afternoon it's utterly heartbreaking witnesing it all happen in front of my eyes plus he would be making such a fuss of me as I turned 39 today it's the first time in eighteen years I have not received a card or birthday kiss off him so really struggling haven't been able to even open the blinds today just thinking we were out for my birthday this time last year not a care in the world planning our holidays thankyou again for everything im sorry for your horrendous loss it's utterly devastating in my thoughts and prayers stay blessed take care of yourself as much as possible speak soon in my thoughts Adele xx

Hi Pat, your right our stories are so similar. We were not quite as energetic as you both, but as our back garden backs onto a forest, we enjoyed long walks together. In fact we done everything together, a real team, which is why I'm finding his loss so difficult. I haven't begun to sort through his things yet. He was a builder, so I have a shed full of tools I need to get rid of. Your right our loss is a never ending nightmare. I'm just grateful that I have such a loving family that are helping me through this. Take care. Bev xx

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