So frightened

This is the first time I have used this. I lost my husband in April 2019 from lung cancer we would have been married 53 years this November.. I am finding it very hard to deal with he was only ill for 4 months and I looked after him at home. All I seem to do is sit and think of him and want to be with him. I still have all his things just as they were. Is this normal I get so frightened of being on my own and feel so lonely at being left behind

Hi Marian Victoria, Just let you know I feel exactly the same, my partner died in March from a heart attack whilst he was sleeping I went to say goodbye as I was off to work and he was dead. I am bereft of his love, fun and quirkiness we had a lovely life and I feel lost - big hugs grief is a horrible journey to travel.
Wilma - D

Hello Marian Victoria
My wife died in August 2018.
This morning I have started to go through her things and sort out what should go to the Sue Ryder shop. I was hoping my three daughters would help me but they didn't seem to want to.
I don't think there is any normal, no one size fits all. It's just a case of doing what feels right for you.

In reply to YorkshireLad1950

Thank you Yorkshirelad

My husband was a Yorkshire man from Huddersfield even though we lived in Kent (which is my home) its so good to know I'm not alone. I am finding that it seems very hard for the family to understand. I have two daughters and though they miss their dad so much their lives have already moved on. Just got to get use to it being just me . thank you for your support.

In reply to Wilma- D

Thank you Wilma-D for your support Its such a dreadful thing I also miss the small personal things that my husband would say, a little joke or singing around the house we had a wonderful life mostly down to him and his hard work and love of family he was my one and only love, Its a journey l never every thought l would take but this site is so supportive thank you.

Dear Marian Victoria, I am so sorry for your loss. The feelings you describe are so normal and very hard to deal with, and that’s why we come on here to share and feel supported. It’s incredibly traumatic to lose your other half after so many years.

After 16 months I still have my husband’s boots and his favourite jacket, his Chelsea shirt and a t shirt he wore a lot. I don’t really find comfort in things when the person is gone but I can’t let these go. There are so many photos, in boxes in the cupboard, that I meant to go through but still can’t face it. Likewise, songs that he wrote. All in good time when it feels right.

Hi Marian Victoria,
I too lost my partner to lung cancer in April and his things are still exactly as he left them, I can’t bring myself to move anything which is fine by me at the moment as it brings me some comfort. I suppose I will know when the time is right to sort things but that certainly isn’t yet. I struggle to function on a daily basis and get through an hour at a time every day. I have no idea whether this is “normal” but it would seem it is “normal” for me whatever that word means so you are not alone...
Take care,
Lynn x

How I feel for all of you who are grieving, it is the most horrible feeling in the world. However, what we should remember is that other members of the family are grieving too and they must be allowed to do so. I do not wish to come over as holier than thou. When my dad died 30 years ago, I can remember exchanging some harsh words with my mum, she was so wrapped up in her grief, she did not allow us (three of us) to grieve too. She seemed to resent us and not take into account that whilst she had lost her husband, we had lost our dad. Our dad was one of the happiest people you could meet . When he was diagnosed with terminal stomach cancer, he took it on the chin. I can remember asking him how he managed to cope with the knowledge of his demise. I shall never forget what he said to me. "Well lass, I have had a good life, I have loved your Mam since I was 12, (Mam was 10 years old) we have had three lovely children, we have been given a sense of humour, (the laughter we shared was wonderful) He continued "I am a lucky man and I would not change anything, apart from going into the army WW2 for four years" I have thought of those words over the years and can remember we put our arms round each other and cried. Somewhere amongst these words was a lesson, I am so glad that my Mam and Dad did not live to witness my brother's death. Thank you for reading this.

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