Sudden death of my husband and sole mate

I lost my husband and sole mate suddenly 8 weeks ago tomorrow
One minute he was talking to me then he was gone the day before his 64 birthday
We were so invincible, these things just don’t happen to us lived all over the world and were together 24/7
I feel I have lost half of me, we live in Spain and have good friends but I feel because I just can’t stop crying that they are now backing of in a nice way
The last few days seem to be getting worse as now I don’t even feel like this is my home, and crying to go home but I don’t know where that is
We have been through so much together I Love him and miss him so much
Life is so lonely without him
We don’t have any groups to go to here as the Spanish have different ways
So glad I have found this group and can get help from others and hopefully help them as well

Dear Sandy
So sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved husband.
I lost my husband on April 9th, the day after his 60th birthday.
I don't think anyone who hasn't experienced it understands the huge loss you feel inside. Every part of your existence has changed. I know that for me, I felt like I was living in a different universe, seeing life go on but just feeling so so sad.
I still feel that way.
Everybody keeps telling me how truly amazing I am doing but it doesn't feel that way. It's so hard putting on a brave face every time I leave the house. I am an expert shopper now, going at odd hours so I don't have those awful moments where people give me bear hugs and I burst into tears.
Please don't feel that you are alone, you have so many friends who really understand on here.
Take good care and take one day at a time.
With very best wishes
Lou

Thank you and so sorry for your loss
I truly do understand what you are going through and how hard it is
Trying hard to get through every day alone and being told you are strong when most of your strength has gone
I can’t believe there are so many people out there going through the same thing, here I just feel so insulated
People are different the way things are done and our friends are all lovey but couples which is so hard so I have been keeping away from them a bit.
We were always so affectionate with each other at home and out side, and that’s where I feel lost in groups
So glad I can talk to others
Thank You

My loss was yesterday , 22 years and always together, different places and countries. She was a homemaker and my life. Everywhere I look I see she is missing. The world is empty now for me and I am haunted by how I found her. My life will never be the same again so I am going to have to either fight this or join her. For now I am fighting. I am clinging on to the letters and words she gave me. The positive things she said and did. The little compass with the words ‘never give up’ engraved on it, the word she said to me . You need to be the strong one now, live your life as I cannot live mine now. It’s what she said during her life that I remember. When I remember something she said I write it down and look at it every time I walk past.. Be strong or Your a good man. So many things, hang onto the words for support while learning to walk again. So sorry for your loss. I mean that !

Suddenly my life was paused on 25th may 2019 at the sudden death of my sweetheart, he was my world for 30yrs and like my husband , my rock , he was all I'd ever known from us both being 14yrs old till he passed at 44yrs old. He had no previous illness or signs , we were at our hoilday home and it was the most traumatic 15 minutes of my life , i tried cpr until the paramedics arrived and tried for an hour with no response. Both myself and my son suffer severe visions and flashbacks day and night, following the police attending and asking 100 questions which were a complete blur i had to drive 1 hr home and inform my other son about his dad's death. The funeral was a blur, not really registered in my head . The worst thing is the weird thoughts in my head, could more be done, could i have done more, why him, i just want to be with him. i struggle to concentrate , we spent the last 4yrs together 24/7 , lived and worked together. So i have 3 places to get over his lost at. Holiday home,work and home. Its hard for others to understand and more so some family members , its due to the different type of relationship you had with that person . I miss his voice and the little things you say between partners. As much as i don't feel like facing the world , i had to go back to work for financial commitments, people see you and think your coping but its all a mask im broken inside . I cry when im alone, not to upset my sons who are broken too. They were all very close but im trying to support my son who witnessed his dad's death , he has days when he states he could go and jump! He says he knows im broken and would swap places to bring his dad back to me. It breaks my heart, i tell him hes loved every day and his dad wouldn't want him to be sad. How do you live day by day when life seems so empty. Ive only just started to manage after losing my mum 2yrs ago.

Julz . I am sorry for your loss, you must have been terrified. I tried cpr as well to no avail. I don’t know how you drove a car, I really don’t. You must be stronger than you thought. You have a son in which to carry his legacy, I wish I had this. Hang onto the good words he said to you. It helps to write them down. I am only starting my journey here and have no experience in these matters. If you ever get a glimmer of light happening in your life please let me know how you did it or what makes this pain lessen. We are not alone but it feels like that most of the time I know. Be strong young lady and you will get through this, I am sure of that.

I lost my husband suddenly too. 1 month tomorrow but we only had the funeral 4 days ago and I’m at such a loss. We have two wonderful children and two beautiful grandsons. If it weren’t for the thought of hurting them I’d be with him right now. I dont know how to live without him after almost 40 years together. We have a place in spain and I’ve contemplated going to live there hoping it will be easier away from everyday memories. Now I’m not so sure.
I go over next week and will give it some thought. I’m so sorry for your loss xx

Thank you for sharing. I have to go back to work and I am in sales. This means smiling and being the sales guy. Without that I cannot pay the bills. This is going to be tough ! I think Spain will take you away from reality so don’t move for good.
Take care it’s not easy to go on but we have to.

In reply to Slab777

I was dreading going back to work after losing my hubby in April but I think it helped me. It was just one little area that seemed normal and in my control.
. I still have moments at work where I just burst into tears but everyone knows I have a broken heart so if I take myself off somewhere, they leave me to it.
Best wishes and good luck when you do go back.
Louise

Well done for overcoming your dread and fear and going back to work. There have been times when I wished I had work to return to but I did have our allotments and although it would have been easy to just forget it all I did go back, just as my husband had asked me to do and worked on both our large plots. I also returned to walking which was also a love of ours. So hard at first as all the walks we had done together at some time or other. He asked me to take him on all my walks and I do, so I am finding comfort in both of these interests which we shared. It's so hard isn't it but making that effort is worth it in the end. As you so rightly say it's putting that 'normal and control' back into our lives.
xx

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