Young husband terminal cancer

My husband was given a life expectancy of six to nine months with bile duct cancer back in July. He is 32 and we have a baby. He had no symptoms other than an uncomfortable feeling in his side that came and went occasionally.

He is remaining hopeful that he will beat this but I don’t know what to do. I try to keep busy and look after our son and him but in the back on my mind I feel like I’m supposed to be getting ready to lose everything.

All the other Mums are taking their little ones to baby groups, mine has to fit in with my husbands care which barely gives me a chance to leave the house. I think I’m failing all around.

Hi Chloe
Where there is life there is hope, you need to open up to the people around you and don't be afraid to ask for help and support, you are not failing you are simply overwhelmed. Yes you take care of your baby and your husband but it's also important to look after yourself. X

Hi. Chloe. You may think you are failing but it's far from the truth. The fact that you came on here shows that. This is a bad time for you but it often happens that what we are told about an illness doesn't always happen. There are folk on here who will testify to that.
If he reamins hopefull then can you try to back him up? If he is determined to beat it then it's half way there.

Sorry. posted too soon.

I was saying. I am not suggesting it's easy and I feel for you. I agree with SL. It is important to look after yourself. If you neglect yourself then your husband and child will have lost their support.
Whatever I say may not make much difference at the moment. This is about the best place to come for support. There are so many here who been in your position.
I have seen recovery occur in the most difficult circumstances.
Sending you prayers and Blessings.

Chloe I was in a very similar situation to you one thing I would say to you is talk to your husband and sort out what you can together as in any senario in the future you will be in a clearer situation, if you read on here one of the main problems is that many people are at a loss on the practical side, this is part of your life that will change no matter what the future holds for your family. I hope you take my words in the best possible way, you have a difficult situation to deal with and people on here are here to help and support you in the best way we can. X

Hi Chloe
What a devastating shock to the system to hear this diagnosis and no you are not failing, you are overwhelmed. It's good that your husband has a positive attitude to his diagnosis but understandably you feel you need to prepare yourself for what this means for you and your baby and how you will cope. There is no accuracy in predicting when someone may pass so you can only deal with the present. Take each day as it comes and try to treasure every day you have together as a family. That is all you can do. Nobody can predict the future but this diagnosis will give you chance to seek as much support as you can for yourself to prepare you for the changes to your life that this will inevitably present. The most important thing is to make sure you look after yourself so you in turn are able to provide the love and support that your husband and baby need. Their are no easy options for any of this but to stay focused on the present moment in time and to reserve your energy for the road ahead. Much love to you x

Hi Chloe, I am so sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis. Leave no stone un turned as you husband is hopeful. Make sure that all options are explored as I have a friend who was given a diagnosis several years ago now, she has undergone some very difficult treatment but it has worked on some of the cancer zones, getting rid of it, and shrinking the ones in her brain. Get as much help as possible, ask your district nurses what is available, like Marie Curie they helped me a lot when my husband was terminally ill and it was the district nurses that arranged it. Reach out to anyone who is prepared to help you on a daily basis, i could not have coped without the help from my parents and siblings, it really took the pressure off. I feel for you as you are both so young my heart goes out to you. Make as many happy memories as you can, if you can get out together do it, that is what i missed so much because my hubby want able to get out of the house, which was so sad for both of us. We are here to help and listen stay in touch, but remember as others have said the time span is a guessing game so do what you can together and look after yourself. xx

hi Chloe_D

Heres hoping something can be found to help.and that he ends up having a long life.i cannot imagine what you are going through,as my partner Jayne was in hospital for 2 weeks before being told they couldn't help and the cancer was to widely spread.and sadly within 2 days Jayne was gone.and its been a night mare ever since we was not married and finding out her family had disliked me made matter slightly worse,as id been with Jayne for 28 years.hopefully youve got at least 9 months to talk and discuss every important aspect of the future and eventualities that may occur and decide what to do together.I pray that your husbands life is way longer than predicted.were theres life there is always hope.please try stay positive I know this will be very hard for all of you.good luck.regards ian.

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